Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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