There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize