I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
