This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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