i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
