True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
