He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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