my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
