I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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