Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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