he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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