Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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