today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
