why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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