Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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