And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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