He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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