I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't think brook has ever known best
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize