Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize