my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
