The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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