don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize