her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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