Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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