I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
