giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
