I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize