at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
