Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
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He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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