when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
