babies were throwing up all over the place
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
