How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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