giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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