Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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