you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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