Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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