can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
