ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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