that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
