Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information