Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
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I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny