So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis