We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.