one two three fourrrrnication!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants