One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.