im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.