Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
