peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
