TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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