Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
