He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
