Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
