this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
