Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
