i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
