Porn is love you can see.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls