just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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