I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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