it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
