The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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