I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
