It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you inspire me to be a worse person
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
