I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
