I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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